Other than vegans/vegetarians, I have yet to meet a human that doesn’t like scrambled eggs. It may not be their favorite, preferring fried or poached or fried or boiled or fried. But they won’t turn them down, either. I grew up on scrambled eggs. Fried eggs were an occasional thing, and poaching only occurred when there was a sick child in the house. Eggs scrambled with a splash of milk, seasoned with salt and pepper, were king in our house. It wasn’t until I was much older that I learned how many things I was doing wrong, and that, done properly, scrambled eggs could be a true delicacy. And it all started with a movie.
Yep! Deep Blue Sea. It was near the end, long after Samuel L. Jackson shouted his last line only to be eaten by the super-shark. Preacher the cook, played by LL Cool J (loved his character; loved his bird), was certain he was going to die soon. Wanting to be remembered, he decides to memorialize himself in one last video. He says something like, “we will start with the perfect omelet, which is made with two eggs, not three. Some amateurs add milk for density; this is a mistake!”
I heard that line and hit rewind. “What did he just say?” Listened again. And said to myself, “Self. He don’t know nuthin’!” Turned out he did, and I didn’t. I mentioned this thought to a friend who was trained in France and he immediately agreed. He also taught me another trick I’ll share in a moment.
So, that’s where my quest for better scrambled eggs began. Then, many years later, while working the lunch shift at a restaurant – first as prep boy and dishwasher; later as second cook – I learned what may be the most important secret of all: slow, s l o w cooking. Here’s the thing that helped it all make sense to me: Hollandaise sauce is mostly egg yolks and butter. It’s liquid and yet the eggs are cooked. You don’t have to bake every bit of moisture out of an egg for it to be safe to eat.
It’s amazing how creamy slow-cooked, soft scrambled eggs are. They darn near melt in your mouth. They are, without a doubt, the best scrambled eggs I’ve ever had. Even if you like your scramble “hard” – that is, well done – this method produces smoother, creamier, dreamier eggs. Check out the video, then the full instructions below.
Salt, pepper or other seasonings to taste
Crack room-temperature eggs (see below) into large bowl. Using a whisk, beat them like they owe you money. A lot of money; and they haven’t made a payment in a year. Set aside.
Now, get everything else ready to go. Every so often, beat the eggs again. Hard. Put your toast in the toaster. Beat the eggs. Make coffee. Beat the eggs again. Whatever. Beat them some more, because they deserve it. When everything is good to go, it’s time to cook, and not before. Because while you’re scrambling your eggs, you want to focus on only that process, and nothing else.
Heat a large skillet or frying pan over medium-low heat. This will take time. It’s OK. Go beat the eggs again. They still haven’t paid. Losers.
When the pan is up to temperature, add the butter. If it begins to sizzle – or even melts too quickly – your pan is too hot. Take it off the heat for a minute, and turn the heat down a touch. Once the butter is melted, it should barely sizzle. Just enough to say, “bring ’em on; I’m ready.”
Beat the eggs one last time, then pour into the pan. Rinse the bowl and whisk, then grab your spatula. It’s time to scrape the bottom of the pan. And that’s all you’re going to do for the next several minutes. Just like in the video; don’t ever stop for more than a half a minute if at all possible. Turn the pan or your arm and scrape in a new direction, from one side of the pan to the other. Turn the pan and do it again. And again. And a lot of agains. Every so often, wipe around the edge of the pan.
When your eggs are half-way cooked (or a bit more for big recipes), drop the handles on your toaster. Go back to scraping. When your eggs are about 95% done to your liking. Turn off the heat, flip through the eggs one last time, and let them sit while you finish everything else. (The toast should be ready to butter now.)
Sprinkle with a pinch of salt (to taste) and serve immediately.
At least half the time, I only season with salt and pepper. Other times I’ll add chopped fresh dill, green onions or chives, but only once the eggs are on the plate. A few other things I’ve used are garlic and/or onion (finely diced) and dried herbs such as dill, oregano or basil.
Don’t ask me about the science, but I’ve learned from several trained chefs that room temperature eggs work best. The beat better, and they cook more evenly. If you’re in a hurry and don’t have time to let the eggs come to room temperature on their own, soak them in a warm water bath while you get everything else together.
Unsalted butter is important. It’s part of what makes the eggs so creamy, and great-tasting. Salt, however, is very bad for eggs while they’re cooking. Again: Science. Please, oh, please; do not use margarine or other butter substitute. It just isn’t the same. And use a lot of butter. I’m talking a tablespoon per egg. Your taste buds will thank you, and you can go light on the potatoes (cooking oil) and breads (butter/margarine) to balance out your oil intake and save some calories in the bargain. Have some tomatoes instead.
Adding the seasoning at the end allows you dress up the eggs. Herbs and seasonings look better on top than mixed into the cooked egg. It also allows you to use less. Don’t ask me why; it just works.
Take. Your. Time. If you’re in a hurry, make something else. I promise it will be worth it.
Creamy smooth. Dreamy good. These really are the best scrambled eggs I’ve ever eaten. If you like this recipe, please give it a like below, maybe even share it. Leave me a comment with your thoughts – and definitely come back and leave a comment after you’ve tried them.
Until next time, have fun and…
Play with your food!
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